My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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