I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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