so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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