She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
