I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
