I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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