He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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