You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
