My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
