Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
