We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
