thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
