who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
