We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
