Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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