i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your cock deserves a montage
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
