There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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