everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
