called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
