Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
