the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
