Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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