just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
