I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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