You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
