Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
