Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dick very happy bro
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
