My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
