eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
