I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
