Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
