Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
