Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
