Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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