I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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