someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
