you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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