Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A+ Viking dick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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