so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
