Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
