i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That's intense
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
