so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
