every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
