I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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