I'm so fucking centered right now
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this boner is exhausting
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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