i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
