I am puke
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
one might say we're banned from that church
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
