okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
