Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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