Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
