Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
