I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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