he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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